Ideas to assist in managing depressed mood

Managing self in relationships

• Rather than put all the focus on lifting mood it may be helpful to focus on maintaining the best functioning possible. Examples of functioning or self management are: organising adequate bedtime, eating healthily, exercising and relaxing, being responsible for appointments and medical care, fulfilling role responsibilities at work and in the houshold.
• Take care of allowing others to do any aspects of your life functioning for you. This may contribute to an increased sense of helplessness. Ask for help when you need it but if others are stepping in to manage areas of your responsibility, it may require you to ask them to step back from this. When depressed mood feels like it has drained all motivation and energy it is helpful to take responsibility for communicating to others what you are going through and to nominate what you will stay responsible for even when it may be limited.
• The reverse of the above is the trap of feeling responsible for other people’s wellbeing. You can care without needing to make everything right for another. A good check is to ask: “Am I thinking, feeling or behaving on behalf of another rather than on behalf of myself?”
• Take care of intuiting or mind reading the thoughts and feelings of others and taking these perceptions personally. Equally comparing your self to others takes energy away from a focus on your own life course.
• Focusing on understanding the relationship challenges that your family has had to adapt to over the generations can be a useful way of moving from blame to awareness. A focus on unchangeable hurts from the past may contribute to people getting stuck in a victim role. Blaming others can drain a person’s ability to manage themselves.
• Stay as connected as possible to significant others.

Separateness and Connection instead of Fusion or Cut off

• Taking everything the other says personally. Reacting with attack, defence or hurt withdrawal.
• Needing the other to agree with us all the time
• Expecting the other to solve our problems or make us feel good
• Wanting the other to take our side against people we have a conflict with
• Mind reading the other. Completing their sentences. Interrupting. Assuming we know what they think.
• Thinking more about the relationship than our own responsibilities