Therapist on a Tightrope
How to Help Without Losing Your Self
On May 28th 2005 around 60 people gathered together on a cold but sunny Saturday in Mosman to explore the therapist's own family with a particular focus on the reciprocal pattern of over functioning / under functioning.
After some early hiccups with our phone connection we managed to chat live to Elliott Rosen about his presentation on grief and loss in our own families as well as some stories about the history of the development of the Family Institute of Westchester.
We were stirred by a moving case excerpt that demonstrated the use of Gestalt techniques to revisit unresolved grief from the family of origin. Elliott reminded us that a necessary ingredient to avoiding therapist over responsibility is experience. He also demonstrated the role of humor in preventing therapists taking themselves and their work too seriously.
A huge thank you to Elliott and our other guest presenters for their generous sharing in our 2nd annual conference.
To our panelists and to Dr Megan Chambers, we say thanks for your willingness to share your own family of origin stories to make sense of the counter transference snares we get into in both our therapy and workplaces.
The goal of the annual conference is to make complex theoretical principles accessible through their application to the lives and families of therapists. Applying the concepts to our own families helps prevent the emotional cut off of intellectualizing about client families while keeping our own vulnerabilities at a distance
We concur with Murray Bowen's view that our clients exhibit the very same patterns as found in our own families.
The degrees of severity may sometimes be different but the patterns of relationships under stress are observable and predictable in all emotional systems.
Our early plan for next year is to focus on learning to see in triplicate: uncovering our triangle dances. Please let us know what you think.
Here is a sample of the feedback we received from attendees:
"Thanks to all of the presenters who again (as last year) opened up their personal experiences and challenges to us. I think it has helped validate our experiences as therapists as normal and that our journey of self exploration is ongoing and never over."
"I really enjoyed the day. My head is spinning but looking forward to getting my teeth into the work... It would be good to expand on managing the change back reactions and not being attached to the outcome of changing the other person."
"Very gentle and yet very stimulating. Thank you!"
"An emotionally challenging day... every speaker evoked memories and questions for me and my family. I wanted to be content with the level of differentiation that I have achieved; not to be reminded that the journey is ongoing. Definitely worthwhile."
"Thanks for a great day - next time more interaction maybe in small groups. Loved Elliott Rosen!"
"The workplace differentiation talk was great. Could spend a whole day on it."
"Impossible couple dilemmas was one of the most useful parts of the day as it was so relevant to my work. I am viewing anxiety quite differently now."
"With the panel I was thrilled to hear such skilled therapists talking so openly and honestly and sharing so much of themselves."
"Great catering and coffee... could the venue be heated a bit more in future?"
In terms of our impromptu survey of sibling position and parent labels of attendees:
- The majority of respondents are eldest or eldest of their gender (more than double the other positions). This was followed by youngest and then 2nd eldest.
- Not surprising the majority of parent labels / descriptions of attendees during their childhood were: "always helpful, reliable, caring, good, dependable, hard working, competent and strong.
- There were also contrasting labels (though with a third the frequency) such as the fragile one, selfish, not good enough, defiant.
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